To Bring a Smile to Your Face
Church Bulletin "Bloopers".
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. So enjoy a few good laughs…
· The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
· The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
· Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands.
· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
· Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
· Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
· Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. So enjoy a few good laughs…
· The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
· The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
· Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands.
· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
· Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
· Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
· Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Tonight is Missions Sunday, come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
· Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
· The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
· A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
· At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
· Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
· Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
· Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
· The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
· Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
· The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
· This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
· Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
· The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
· Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
· The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
· Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
· The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
· Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
· The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
· A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
· At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
· Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
· Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
· Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
· The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
· Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
· The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
· This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
· Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
· The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
· Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
· The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
· Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
· The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
posted by Andrea at 4:06 PM
8 Comments:
oh man, some of those are really bad. especially the one that talks about killing christ the king!! yikes. still some funny ones though!!! :)
haha...I laughing SO hard at some of those...
I agree Allesha! that one was...wow..uhhhhh....
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I got another,
This Afternoon the College and career group is meating at Pastor Marty's cabin for a BBQ and B.S. Remember it is B.Y.O.B.
This didn't really happen but somthing similar did.
haha nice one Bobby, and sorry for some of the sketchy ones...
That one above is a joined effort between myself and Jon Danyluk. It was last year when we were walking to Marty's cabin from the beach and some guys pulled up in a car and were like,"Where's the party at?" And Jon replied,"Oh..At P-Marty's cabin, it is a B.S. BBQ." And I add,"It's BYOB!"
Then Jon explained that we were acctully part of a youth group and were just at our pastors cabin. He also explained that B.S.=Bible Study and that BYOB=Bring your own bible!
haha.. I remember that!
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