Church Bulletin "Bloopers".
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. So enjoy a few good laughs…
· The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
· The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
· Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands.
· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
· Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
· Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
· Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Tonight is Missions Sunday, come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
· Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
· The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
· A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
· At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
· Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
· Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
· Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
· The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
· Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
· The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
· This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
· Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
· The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
· Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
· The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
· Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
· The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"